In the Night
by eternalshiva
Summary: He was weaving between sleep and dreams, memory and reality. Heavy angst - For Shenko Angst Tuesday, Tumblr.


**_Disclaimer_** - Mass Effect, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3 is not my property, but is the property of Bioware and the writers who created them. It is not the intention of this fan fiction author to participate in financial gain through this story. No copyright infringement is intended.

**_AN _**_- This is for Shenko Angst Tuesday. I think I managed to break the fandom there for a day. _

* * *

**In the Night**  
_by eternalshiva (posted on tumblr)_

Nightmares weren't the only things waking him up at night.

_Shepard smiled as she brought his hand to her belly, there the first kick she was finally able to share._

Kaidan blinked sleepily in the darkness as the body next to him shuffled under the blankets, demanding he move over. He complied begrudgingly, rolling over and pulled her against his chest, tucking her head under his chin as he gathered her into his arms. Safe, secured into his embrace, a soft sigh thanked him.

A gentle smile touched his lips and he drifted back into a dream ravaged sleep.

_"Let's go for a walk," she opened the curtains, the trees swayed sleepily in the sunset - her belly heavy with its precious cargo. He curled up behind her, his hands encircling her waist to rest on her hands. He kissed her temple. She smiled, "two more weeks," whispering to him before he kissed her lips._

_"A walk it is," he let her go, grabbed her sweater and led her out the door._

He was weaving between sleep and dreams, memory and reality. His brow furrowed again, an elbow hitting him across the cheek in her sleepy daze. He shook his head, trying to push away the memory. Sleep beckoned and he answered.

_"Do you think we're ready, Kaidan?" Her fingers intertwined with his, the breeze flickered through her hair, her eyes sparkled with wonder at a future she allowed herself to believe in. She was beautiful. _

_She stilled, her grip hard in his - she frowned. "Did you hear that?"_

Roused from the memory, another elbow caught him sleepily in the throat, he coughed - glaring at the petite lump next to him. He shifted, sleepily dragged her down from her strange position and placed her once more to his chest. Her back against him, hair tickling his nose. He screwed his eyes shut, determined to get a few more hours of sleep.

Darkness swallowed him before he fell into the dream again.

_A single Batarian - gun raised amongst the peace of the woods. They didn't see him - camouflaged by the changing leaves of the coming autumn. They didn't see the hate spitting from his four eyes as he watched the former commander and her husband quietly take their walk. _

His finger twitched in his sleep.

_The sound confused Kaidan at first, then he realised what it was - he grabbed Shepard, tucking her behind him but there was something odd about his wife; she let out a strange sound, her hands wrapping around her abdomen. _

_Blood. _

_It trickled down her side, clear fluid mixed in with it and she gasped as another shot rang across the quiet evening of the trail they favoured. Kaidan flared blue, violent biotics spread towards its target - teeth bared as the Batarian found itself floating, eyes wide in fear for just a split moment before Kaidan closed his fist and crushed him. _

_"Shepard!"_

He stirred again, a hollow ache in his chest made him frown in his sleep as the pain settled deep in his bones. His breathing became ragged and body next to him curled closer into him.

_"Kaidan," she rasped, blood bubbled from her mouth, her hands still trying to cover the wound in her belly, "the baby, you have to..." he cradled her head on his lap, his shaky hands explored her wounds, this didn't look good. Panic was setting in as his lover took in a deep calming breath, assessing her options. _

_No medi-gel. _

_No medical help anywhere near. _

_Two gunshots, one to the lung and one to her abdomen. _

_Amniotic fluid leaking. _

_Her lungs were filling with blood and she could feel the burn from the ammo's modifications. _

_"Kaidan, listen to me." His brown eyes met with hers, determination filtered through the tears she allowed to flow freely, her bloody hand pinged the omni-tool and she called for help. They wouldn't make it in time. _

_"Shepard, this is bad, we need to get you out of here."_

_" Kaidan. Listen to me, I need you to focus." He looked at her, her mouth moved and he couldn't register her words. His chest contracted when her bloody fingers traced his lips, a watery smile touched her lips and she whispered her love as he agreed to do what she asked. _

Kaidan woke again, this time small hands were touching his face, small digits traced around his eyes and he faked a loud and obnoxious snore. There was an explosion of giggles, he scrunched up his face in a grimace opened one eye with a grin and found green playful eyes staring at him.

"Good morning, daddy!" her musical voice greeted him.

"Good morning, Ashley." He murmured, she handed him her doll, concern on her delicate features. Her nose crinkled up, just like her mother. "You know what day it is today?"

"Hmm," he wondered, watching her eyebrows raise up and disappear under her fringe of hair, "is it grocery day?"

She huffed, indignantly - "No! It's my birthday! I'm five today!"

"Is it now?" he tumbled her over, she screeched in delight as his clever fingers found her sides and he tickled her until she couldn't scream anymore. he pushed her out of his bed, slinking away from her father while giggling.

"Grand-ma is making breakfast," she announced in the most commanding voice a five year old could muster. He arched a brow and watched his daughter as she marched out to find Shepard's mother. He plopped back into the pillows, an arm falling over his eyes as he let the final thralls of his memory trickle in.

_Shepard had stopped breathing, his heavy sobbing tore through the woods. Help still hadn't arrived and now he was going to lose everything. His omni blade flickered to life as he laid her down, her words still echoing in his mind. _

_"If I don't make it Kaidan, take her out of me, we can't lose her - she's everything to us."_

He blinked away the burning sensation of unshed tears, his eyes shifting to the hologram of his wife, fingers reaching out to touch her in his morning ritual.

"Good morning, Shepard," he traced the length of her face, her sparkling green eyes smiling at him beyond the picture. He ached, his heart was still breaking but Ashley needed him now and he had made her a promise in the woods the day his daughter was born.

"I miss you."


End file.
